It starts in so many ways. And as a society, we glorify it.
I looked back at a journal entry from years ago recently, and one thing popped off the page: the word tired.
I was tired of getting up so early. Tired of going to bed so late. Tired of having a to-do list a mile long; one I could never seem to complete. I was tired of running here and there. I was tired of trying to pay all the bills. I was tired of just about everything.
That was the point in my life where I had the most trouble.
I didn’t like myself much. I didn’t really like my home (it wasn’t my dream home, and I didn’t have the money to do what it would take to make it into my ideal home.)
There were a lot of days I didn’t like my husband (love, yes, like, no).
I hated my career path. I wasn’t finding the success I was striving for, and it drove me crazy.
I just wasn’t happy.
My life was all about chaos. Constantly trying to catch up. To keep up with those around me. I was running here and there, and if I wasn’t running, I was sitting in front of the computer. Quite literally from 6 am until 1 or 2 the next morning.
Yep, I was trying to see if my body could exist on 3 or 4 hours of sleep each night. Hint: It can’t. It always catches up with you.
Back then, I was chasing the dream. You know … the dream that everyone talks about.
The dream where you get where you’re going. That you “make it.” Where you finally hit the finish line running and everything falls into place.
That dream. Have you had that dream too?
That was when I felt most disconnected from everything. And frankly, I don’t remember a lot about that time in my life except for the negative feelings I couldn’t shake.
It’s a crazy dream they try and sell as we’re growing up. We spend years – decades – chasing it until one day we finally give up.
I remember very distinctly the day that happened. I dropped everything. I burst into tears and couldn’t quit. I checked out mentally for an entire weekend.
And then …
I dropped back in.
I decided I didn’t want that life anymore. And while I couldn’t give it all up that day, I put a plan into play to find the new me. One who was vibrant, successful, and sexy!
And I as I worked to find “the new me”, I fell in love with who I was becoming! (Here’s a secret: those closest to me fell in love with “the new me” too. Funny how that works.)
What if you could lead a more vibrant, sexy life? What would that look like? What would you have to do?
Could you do things to put vibrancy and sexiness back into your life? Or do those things cause you to become a bit squeamish?
Here’s what I know for sure. When I’m comfortable in my own skin, when I’m my most vibrant self, when I feel I’m being successful with my life, and when I feel my sexiest, that’s when I’m at my very best. That’s when I’m who I’m meant to be.
It affects my daily life. It affects how I show up and take on the world.
And if I’m not that person, that’s when I disconnect.
Energy, folks, it’s all about energy. You agree?
I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Sexy – It’s Something We Fear
Why is it we fear our own sensuality? Or own sexiness? It’s something we see on the big screen, yet we fear it in real life. We talk about it quite literally all of the time, and yet we fear it most when we talk about it in our own lives?
Women aren’t supposed to be sexual creatures. And yet we are.
We bombard young girls with all kinds of mixed messages. I was there.
You don’t want to be one of those girls, do you? Save it until you’re married. And then put up with it; it’s what women do.
Looking back, when I was at my lowest point, it was also because I was playing in a man’s world. Nothing wrong with that; I did it well.
But at that point, I was growing an online business. And in the beginning, it was only men who played in that field.
I went to conference after expo learning about this “new” thing called the internet. I selected several mentors and spent hours each day learning and growing my business, being guided my men.
I remember sitting around the table in one meeting – I was the only woman – and they started discussing how to push through to get products to market. They joked. Said sometimes you’d have to stay locked in your room for days. But wait a minute, I said. What about picking up the kids? Or picking up groceries? Or doing the laundry? They looked at me as if I had several horns growing out of my head.
Their wives did those things. And I doubt very seriously if any of those questions had ever been on their radar.
But I didn’t want to give up that part of my life. And that’s when it hit me. I shouldn’t have to give up that part of my life.
That was the femininity in me. It’s what made me a woman. It’s what made me, me.
But I had. I’d forgotten that side. The side that liked to do my hair, pick out a new lipstick, wear fancy shoes.
I’d forgotten I could have what I wanted. And be what I wanted too.
What Holds Us Back From Our Sensual Side
When I got caught up in busyness, it was to conquer the world.
Have you ever noticed that a lot of the world is male driven? Marketing, definitely. To succeed at business? Yep, you have to be driven, put the pedal to the metal, your nose to the grindstone.
But that’s not how women do things. At least not very well.
Sure, I functioned quite successfully in the male-driven internet world. I changed everything about myself in order to “fit in.” But still, I was left with:
Guilt – I wanted it all. I wanted to be a success story. I wanted to grow my business and get known in my niche. I LOVED what I was doing. But I faced guilt when my daughter clung to my leg when I dropped her off at preschool. I felt guilty if I took the afternoon off to take her to the park. Guilt – it cuts you like a knife and refuses to let go. Could I really have it all if I wasn’t willing to play like a man?
Give, Not Get – Let’s face it, women are givers, not getters. We’re there for everyone. We say yes, no matter what. Can you give to the bake sale? Of course. Can you volunteer for this group? Sure! How about head it up, we need someone and you’d be perfect? Of course I can do it; it’s for my daughter’s school. Give – because I don’t deserve “me time”, not now when I’m right in the middle of building a successful life.
Shame – And then there’s the shame factor that always goes along with it. This is something that’s built from the time we’re little girls. You know what I mean, when you say things like: I don’t deserve this, I’m too ____. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. (What’s your word?)
Trust me when I say I had a whole lot of each, from each category. And when you’re busy doing things 18 hours a day, you’re too exhausted to convince yourself otherwise.
I listened to what everyone else was saying, without paying attention to the little voice deep within me.
Until I said NO. Until I turned it all around and decided to make my life feminine, vibrant, and sexy as hell.
Want to know a secret? Once I did, it changed everything! I still can talk most men under the table on technical jargon. But I’m comfortable with all sides of me. And my husband adores me. He thinks I’m sexy, and tells me all the time. Why shouldn’t life be just like that?!
A long time ago, I used to think the concept of getting dressed up for dinner, when you sit down together at the end of the day to talk about your days, was crazy. Who has time?
But after not liking myself for a number of years, and feeling GREAT today, I get it now. I love looking my best, for me, for him!
Don’t kid yourself, there are many nights we go for a walk and I have on my yoga pants with my hair pulled up in a knot. But a lot of nights I put a little more effort into it. I wear dresses in the summer because I love to feel feminine. I have large bouquets all over the house because they’re so pretty, and they smell so good. I light candles. I have big, fluffy pillows, because – why not! They add the sexy to my sensual life!
We schedule date nights, and head out for special weekends, just because.
He puts on his dress shirts and fancy shoes. I curl my hair and add a touch of lipstick.
Do I feel sexy when we head out the door. Damn straight! He notices. I notice. And we have a very good night!
What it takes to find your vibrant, sexy self is to realize it’s all part of your feminine side. You can be feminine and have it all too.
Being vibrant gives you a chance to be who you’re meant to be. And finding your internal sexy – that’s something you do for YOU.
Of course, not saying he won’t get something too. 😉
But if you feel vibrant, sexy, you ooze sexiness. You put out to the world that you’re one confident woman!
And who could ever NOT fall in love with someone who exudes that level of confidence!
It’s time! Show off your vibrant, sexy self!