I went over to a mentor’s website a few days ago. I’ve followed her for years. I’ve purchased her books. I’ve taken a few classes from her.
She is a person who fueled my love of travel to what it is today. She was one of three who motivated me to sell my forever house, get rid of my stuff, and start slow traveling the world.
But I hadn’t heard from her in a bit. I don’t follow her as close as I once did. She’s morphed and changed into a business model that suits her life with kids. I’m past that phase as my daughter recently left home to travel the world on her own.
Still, I wondered what she was up to. So I was surprised when her site popped up and the last time she’d posted was six months before.
That was so unlike her. I instantly became worried.
It’s funny in the online world, how you can have friends even though you’ve never met. How you can care for someone even though you rarely, if ever, have conversations. But I was worried. So I did a little searching. I popped over to Facebook and Twitter. Once again, nothing in the past six months.
Then I searched Google – just to see if there was any news. And I started finding the negative reviews.
“She took my money and disappeared.”
“She made promises and didn’t keep them.”
I knew that wasn’t true. I’d followed her long enough to know she always delivered. So there must be more to it than what I was reading.
I’m not sure what happened to her. But I can imagine it was devastating to her core. A divorce. A death. A diagnosis. Or more.
One blogger posted a negative review on her site:
“I contacted her multiple times. She kept pushing me to take the class. She offered help. She made promises. And then overnight – nothing. I spoke to her. She said everything was great – top of the world. Then a day later I get an email from her assistant, offering a refund, telling me she was taking time off – it was personal. I feel used. I feel screwed. I’m yelling fraud. How could she do this to me?”
Welcome to the world of information.
Welcome to the world of being a blogger.
Welcome to midlife!
What this blogger seems to forget is we’ve all been there a time or two ourselves.
I remember my wall very well.
I was selling the largest packages of my life. I was smiling and behaving as if everything was okay.
But inside – inside – I was shattered. A shell of my former self.
Fake it til you make it. Pretend you are where you want to be.
I’d listened to so many self-help audios I could almost recite them from memory.
I KNEW I was close to being where I wanted to be.
Just one more sale. Just one more connection. Just one more conversation.
Then I got up one morning and it all came crashing to the floor.
Worry. Doubt. Frustration. A loss of all self-esteem. I cried. I crawled into bed. I pulled back from everything. There was no way I could face the world.
It hurt. I’d been hurt one too many times in the absolutely wrong way.
And I simply couldn’t take it anymore.
I wanted to. I wanted to tell my online friends what had happened. But I couldn’t even punch the on-button on my computer. Write about it – no way!
So my world spiraled.
For days. Weeks. And I couldn’t do anything about it.
Until I could.
But I couldn’t go back THERE.
So I let it all disappear.
As humans, who hasn’t been there before?
Everything’s right. Until it isn’t.
And yet we’re so quick to judge.
We’re all on this quest for moving forward one day at a time. We’re building on everything we’ve ever learned, day after day. It’s like a gigantic puzzle, with one piece fitting here and there, slowly making the picture whole.
And when you trust someone to help you fit one of those pieces together, it can hurt to find that person isn’t who they’re meant to be in your life.
But isn’t it time to remember they’re just doing what they can do, one day at a time, just like the rest of us?
We don’t change “all of a sudden.” It’s a process.
The end result, however, often looks like “all of a sudden.” And that’s where some of us get burned.
Take a step back.
This isn’t personal. If you find yourself in this situation, the person who hurt you probably didn’t do it intentionally. (Of course, anything is possible. But rarely is it intentional.)
Instead of lashing out and spending time worrying about what you could have received from this person, realize what a learning tool it is. You learned to up your game when doing due diligence. You learned how to navigate your needs in a clearer way.
Everything we do is based on days, weeks, years of experience. Every piece fits together based on where we’ve come from and what we’ve discovered.
If you’ve run into a roadblock, it isn’t someone else’s fault. It’s there to make you evaluate your intentions from a different angle. It’s there for you to think again about how you’ll move forward.
And it’s that forward action that matters most of all.