Everyone wants to know the secret to a long life, a happy marriage.

We’re fascinated by it.

If you live to be 100, there must be some secret to it. And if you stay married for 30, 40, 50 years or more, there has to be a magical spell that allows it to be so.

I’ve read books on it. I’ve watched interviews.

Last night was no exception. Three couples, all married for dozens of years, gave their advice on what made it work.

One woman mentioned that every night when her husband got home from work, she had the kids tucked into bed, a candlelight dinner waiting for her husband, with her hair and makeup done just so. She was the best she could be.

A man revealed that when he used the restroom, he’d put the seat down for her. When she used it, she’d push the seat back up … for him. They were always conscious of each other’s needs. They were the best they could be, consciously, for each other.

While I’m not advocating getting dressed for dinner each day, or touting how you handle the bathroom wars in your home (I have my yoga pants on as I write this, and the toilet lid is always down in my home), I think there is a lot to learn from being the best you can be … for you AND for someone else.

There was a time not too long ago when I was angry, upset at the world, not in the best frame of mind. And because of it, I didn’t act my best. And I definitely didn’t look my best.

I didn’t complete projects on time. I always had desires that far outreached my accomplishments. I didn’t look my best; I didn’t feel my best.

Then I decided it was time to get my sexy on.

I finally decided it was time to be the best I could be. Because being the best me means I’m excited about life, I’m stimulated in everything I do, I find interesting things to do, intriguing things to talk about with other people. And yes, the more positive you become with who you are, the more attractive you are to other people. It’s a natural thing.

People like happy people. So the more you bring to the table, the more alluring you become.

Bringing my sexy into play means I love every moment of the day. I want to look good for everything and everyone around me. But most of all, I want to be sexy for me.

The better I look, the better I feel.

And it shows.

Feel good and I guarantee you’ll de-stress. Then you’ll start looking at opportunities instead of things that stand in your way. You no longer want to write a book, you can write a book. You no longer dream of starting a business, you do something about it.

Yes, there are many ways you can get your sexy on. And of course it changes all the time. How have I got my sexy on these past few months?

How to get your sexy on

Buy new underwear

There’s something to be said for building a solid base. We do that in all kinds of ways, from buildings to relationships. Why not with the way you present yourself to the world? I invested in a drawer of new lacy things, and it puts a smile on my face from the moment I shower for the day. Knowing I have something intimate, sexy, on makes me approach the day in a happier way. Yes, if it comes in a package of three (or more), don’t bother. Buy the good stuff. You’ll know the difference.

Digitally detox

Having my iPhone or iPad buzz, rattle, beep and shake every few seconds of the day has always left me drained. You feel like you’re missing something if you don’t grab it immediately. But if it’s not around you, you have no reason to “check in.” The world won’t end because you’re not online every second of the day. And the calmness that comes from detaching instantly puts you in a better place.

Get my hair cut regularly

I was trying to grow my hair out. I had forgotten how good it felt to have an amazing cut. My hair was a little lighter, a littler bouncier, more pulled together. Even without a lot of styling it looked better. It made me realize that even a regular hair cut can put you in a better place. It doesn’t have to be much, just a little extra attention from someone that makes you look a little better will do the trick.

Choose sexy clothes

If I pull on one more sweatshirt, one more beat up pair of jeans, I’ll…  So I threw them all away. I bought the leggings I craved, the sexy jeans that fit just so, the lacy tops I’d long since desired. Even when my day entails writing, writing, and more writing, just putting on something sexy changes the mood. It gets me in the mood for being the best I can be. And it shows up in the way that I write.

Dress up when you go out

Now I’m not talking about fancy dresses and heels, but as a whole our world is way too comfortable. Yoga pants have got to go. (Unless you’re going to yoga, of course.) Change it up a little and see the difference. Add a sexy pair of boots to your favorite boyfriend jeans. Add a sexy sweater to your favorite t-shirt. Put a little makeup on even when you’re just going to the store. You walk a little taller. And people notice.

Eat better

I’ve been eating better for years. Went vegetarian five years ago, almost vegan today. I avoid sugar most of the time; really focus on eating what’s good for my body. Because when I put good stuff in, I feel better all day long. The bad stuff makes me feel weak. And I want to feel strong. Sexy. At first it was difficult to do. Now it’s easy. Because I like feeling like I’m at my best. I like feeling sexy. So why eat any other way!

How do you get your sexy on?